Not at my wedding

Wedding planning involves such an overwhelming number of "musts" and "shoulds" that one can go insane pretty quickly just trying to keep track of all these "requirements". Even if you avoid all these prerequisites and start from scratch, it's still pretty difficult to figure out what you want to include in your wedding. However, it's actually pretty easy to figure out what you DON'T want to include, so here is my list.

No long, elaborate, poofy gown for the bride. I mean seriously, who wants to put on 20 pounds worth of dress on? That requires assistance to use the bathroom?? A dress in which I cannot dance, let alone move??? Not this girl. I am going to wear a short dress!

No veils or bird cages. I don't really see the point of veils. Am I going to be hiding behind it from my groom? Because, what, he doesn't see me every day? Surprise, honey, this is what I really look like behind that veil! Why don't you look surprised? Yeah. And bird cages. What is UP with that? I'm not a bird and I don't want to be caged!

While we are on the fashion topic, no ridiculously high heeled shoes for the bride (as in, me). I would prefer not to start my married life in pain and covered in blisters, thankyouverymuch. So, cute and shiny flat sandals it is.

And by the way, no matching dresses for the bridesmaids. Or groomsgirls. Or, as we like to call them, the Inner Circle. Because I'm pretty sure these smart women have already figured out what cut and color dresses look good on them, and they probably already own the dresses they love.

Oh, and because this is a wedding, and not a huge production, no out-of-control guest lists. If neither of us have met you, you are NOT INVITED! That should pretty much eliminate any requests for inviting parents' favorite coworkers.

No religious ceremony. Because neither of us is religious. And if we went with a religious ceremony, I have no idea how we would do that. Would it be some sort of Jewish/Catholic/Protestant/Buddhist mashup? Way too complicated. Therefore, not happening.

No wedding planners. Because I already have an obsessive-compulsive type A personality, and I can manage my own elaborate spreadsheets.

That's a lot of No's for one post, so let's wrap this up on a positive note. What would I like to see at our wedding? Lots of smiles, laughs and dancing. A wonderful celebration with our closest friends and family. Happy memories to last us a lifetime (cheesy but true). And of course, the most important thing, being married to D at the end of the day.


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