Wedding Planning, Stage Four (and a little bit of Five)

Shiny Pretty Bits summed up the six stages of wedding planning pretty well (you can read all about the stages here). Yesterday, D and I realized that we are in stage Four of wedding planning, and I am edging dangerously close to stage Five. Here is how I've been feeling lately:

4. Outrage/Depression – “What the EFF”, “EFF me”
Marked by feelings of bitterness and frustration. It is not uncommon for people in this stage to feel as though they are failing in some way. This causes the individual to swing between feeling angry over all the expectations being placed on them and despondent over their inability to live up. Persons may find themselves resenting others with friends and family who: own a barn, DJ, have the enviable ability to craft masterpieces out of bits of random fabric and paper.

By the end of November, we checked all the "major" items off our To-Do list. We chose a venue, found a Justice of Peace that we were happy with, booked an awesome photographer, finalized our menu, and booked our wonderful caterer. Oh, and I bought my dress. Well, guess what! That was the easy part!

While I was resting on my laurels taking a break from wedding planning, some truly difficult situations reared their ugly heads. I was having brunch with a group of friends when the topic of our wedding was brought up (not by me). The problem was, not everyone at the table was invited to the wedding (we had to make some difficult guest list decisions that had nothing to do with the budget), but everyone ASSUMED they were invited. I tried to veto the subject of the wedding, but that failed miserably, and awkwardness ensued. I sort of didn't deal with the situation then, but I know the fallout is coming. Should be interesting.

As awkward as that situation was, the truly difficult part of wedding planning entered our lives when we found out that two of my very dear family members will not be able to attend the wedding due to health issues. Not that it was a complete surprise - I've been aware of these health problems for a while now. But they are getting worse, and they will not get better, and I cannot imagine having a wedding without these two people closest to my heart, without being able to share this moment with them. I am questioning the point of having a wedding at all - who are we doing it for, if not for the people who now can't be there with us?

I know my family wants me to stick to the original plans for the wedding, and eventually I will figure out a way to get through this and move on. I'm fully prepared to do everything possible to live stream the ceremony so that my grandparents can feel that they are a part of it (I don't care if there is no Wi-Fi in the park by the water, I will make it happen, goddammit). But right now, I'm still struggling to cope with this and trying to muster up the energy to keep planning the wedding.

Meanwhile, I'll be dipping my toes into stage Five of wedding planning (also known as "Rebellion" or "EFF it") and slashing seemingly important things from our budget. After I read the chapter on traditions in Meg's book, I decided that favors are not just un-traditional, but also rather ridiculous. I've been to many weddings, and I cannot remember caring one bit about favors. Most of the time, they are useless trinkets that no one keeps anyway. Also, we are hosting (and paying for) a huge party for our guests, where we will feed them and provide ample entertainment. I doubt anyone will miss the favors.